What Just Happened? Lost Season Premiere: Incoherent Rambling Pseudo-Live Blog

It’s a sickness at this point. Perhaps even an obsession. I can’t watch television without wanting to tweet about it. And with tonight’s season premiere of Lost, a show I’ve been watching since the first broadcast of the pilot episode, resistance was futile.

But I am nothing if not considerate of my fellow social media citizens. Since I didn’t want to share any spoilers on Twitter, I decided to keep a running diary of my random thoughts and questions throughout the Lost final season premiere. And really, what’s the point of having a blog if not to keep a running diary of the Lost premiere?

Don’t worry, I don’t get into any theories or speculation. In fact, I hardly remember anything from past seasons. These are my incoherent rambling would-be tweets. I hope you enjoy them. But even if you don’t, I had fun. And who knows? It might even help me understand the show better. Yeah, right, who am I kidding?

Let’s get started:

That’s Juliet down the well once.

Ah, Bernard and Rose. So sweet.

Desmond? Desmond was on the plane? Did not expect that.

That’s Juliet down the well twice.

Anybody else think there was a problem with the sound when Kate was stuck in the tree? I was getting ready to kill someone at Time Warner Cable.

Jack’s got himself a nasty sunburn.

Here’s the thing about Jack. On 24 he’s always right. On Lost, he’s always wrong.

Line of the night so far: “Nothing bad ever happens to me. I’m the luckiest guy alive.” Oh, Hurley.

If Juliet is alive below, that means they moved through time before the bomb went off. Right? So confusing.

Aaaand Jacob is alive. Guess I shouldn’t be too surprised.

Boone!

That would be an awkward phone call. Hey Ian, we know we killed you off a few years ago, but how about you come back for the premiere of the final season?

Boone: “I wouldn’t make it two days without my cell phone.” Nice foreshadowing.

So can Locke walk or not? I thought he was cured when the plane crashed.

Ah, Richard. No matter the year, you look exactly the same.

Oh my. Totally forgot about John Locke’s body on the beach. Oops.

And Michael Giacchino’s score is always amazing.

So Jacob is dead. Ok. That’s settled.

Hurley is very nonchalant with his whole “Dude I see dead people” thing.

I have no idea what the hole in the wall with the French team is. But Jin does. So that’s good.

I believe Sawyer when he says he will kill Jack if Juliet dies.

Sayid! So helpful with his skills.

Charlie!

Was Charlie in the bathroom getting high when the plane originally crashed, thus preventing him from OD’ing?

Why bother mentioning the pen missing from Jack’s jacket if it’s not going to be relevant later.

What the hell was that in Charlie’s airway? Yuck.

So he did want to die. Ok then.

Juliet is alive! I thought for sure she was dead b/c she was on V.

Hurley’s all: Does it matter? Which is code for “I see dead people ok?”

Yeah, I don’t think reason and logic will work with these guys, Locke.

Aaand I was right.

But how did he miss Locke? Talk about a clean shot. Some bodyguards they are.

Oh snap. You do not mess with the smoke monster.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. John Locke IS the smoke monster? Mind. Blown. Again.

You got it, blondie. Oh Sawyer, so smooth with the ladies. And their nicknames.

Crap.

What did she want to tell him that was so important? Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Desmond was on the plane. Or was he?

And it’s pilot Greg Grunberg!!!!!

Nice landing at LAX.

What did they arrest Charlie for? Drug charges or tampering with a lavatory lock?

Well look at that. I was right. Locke can’t walk.

End Part I

Miriam Makeba Pata Pata! Oh that’s the commercial. Well, still, love that song.

They lost Christian’s coffin. I’m sure that won’t be an issue and has nothing else to do with the plot line.

Giacchino’s score really is just fantastic.

We have an “awesome” from Hurley. if this was 24, we’d drink.

Ok that whole temple sequence was waaaaay too stressful and scary.

More bad guys to deal with? Who the hell are these guys?

Oh! Juliet’s alive!!! Oh no that’s just an ad for V. My bad.

There is no way that there is nobody in the ladies’ room right after customs and passport control at LAX.

Is that Jack’s pen? Did Kate steal Jack’s pen to break out of her handcuffs? I knew there was a reason Jack mentioned his pen was missing. Those Lost writers.

Oh Kate. You are sooooo in trouble now.

I love that Sawyer protected Kate even at LAX.

She wanted to tell you that it worked. It did? Confused. Again.

So these new people appear to be militaristic violent buddhists. Huh.

Oh yeah, I sort of remember that woman. Who was she again? So hard to remember everybody after all these years. I thought she was dead. Oh well.

So, um, that is not a guitar.

I love Hurley. That is all.

Ooh dilemma time for Sun. Does she admit she can speak English?

Well that settles that.

Ouch.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. Subtle, Lost. Very subtle.

I hope Sayid doesn’t die. it won’t be the same without him.

What the hell are the writers smoking?

Crap. (again)

Body count for this episode is at 6. Oh wait, wrong show.

I’m so confused. Sigh.

Nightline has dedicated its show tonight to Lost. Dear god.

TGI Friday’s has actually changed its slogan to “Thank God It’s Friday’s.” God is like, “Don’t look at me!”

Excuse me, but how did Kate have the security code for the door at LAX?

There are never that many cabs lined up at LAX. But anyhoo.

Claire!!!!

Sayid was “beyond saving.” Nice double meaning there, Lost writers.

I love Hurley.

So I guess this is Jacob’s army.

Is “him” John Locke or Ben Linus?

John Locke has gone third person on us. “I don’t understand.” You speak for us, John. You speak for us.

I want to go home. That’s how I feel.

Elisha Cuthbert joins the cast of the forgotten. Guess that means we won’t be seeing any more of Kim Bauer. Pretty please.

Ha! Hurley is the best. “Goodbye dude. If you ever want to talk, I’m around.”

Do not cross Sawyer. In case you were planning to. Just don’t.

Ironic that Jack is telling Locke about the missing coffin. Considering that Locke just shipped back over to the island in a coffin. I’m onto you Lost writers!

Whoa, deep, John Locke. Deep.

So in parallel La La Land, Jack and John are potentially doctor and patient, and not locked in a battle of wills and philosophies

I don’t understand what happened on the beach with Richard and Locke. Who put Richard in chains? Confused.

Aaaand the body count is back down to 5.

I would say “See you next week” but I don’t think I can do this again. But we’ll see.