The following takes place between the hours of 6:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m.

Events occur in real time.

Disclaimer: the time-stamping is approximate. My TiVo time is not quite in sync with the official 24 clock, so there's a 2 minute margin of error.

6:03: "Decrypting" and "perimeter" in the first minute. It's already too much.

6:04: "The biometric scans all indicate that she's withholding." Oh hell yeah Jessica Stein is withholding.

6:05: Broadway and West 23rd. In Queens. Geographic accuracy not a strong suit of the show so far this season.

6:06: "I don't want to hurt you. I am just doing my job. Which is to poop on you." I'm sorry, the Triumph accent is absolutely killing me.

6:08: Jack is clearly not looking for a basketball game. Not b/c he's got other things to take care of. But because he is really really short.

6:09: Damn you Triumph. That poor policeman and his wife. Now their kid is really going to start acting out in school.

6:10: Two more bodies. Body count now at 11.

6:10: OMG. It's Herc! (Wire fans) Dom! (Entourage fans). Either way, the arrival of Dominick Lombardozzi is always welcome. Thank you 24!

6:11: Oh no you didn't just take down Jack Bauer with a taser! Herc you are a bad bad man.

6:17: I'm already bored with Fembot's whole trailer trash past storyline. Unless he has anything to do with the assassination attempt. Or there's a baby back home in the trailer.

6:19: Kevin did ask the question I asked last night: how did she get through the CTU screening process with a new identity?

6:20: Oh no she didn't give him her keys. Agent Freddie Prinze will not be pleased about this.

6:21: Why did Jessica Stein refer to President Hassan as Omar? Dead giveaway of an affair.

6:23: Tell him, Chloe! Chloe always speaks the truth. Maybe Hastings will learn this.

6:24: This is Dom and not Herc. Dom is an annoying idiot. Herc was an awesome Baltimore cop. Herc would have known not to mess with Jack Bauer.

6:26: Perimeter! Drink!

6:31: Now who wants to be a millionaire!!! I mean, let's get back to the peace negotiations.

6:32: If President Slumdog Millionaire denies the affair, then Jack is a dead man!

6:33: Oh President Slumdog Millionaire - by confirming the affair, you just saved Jack's life but lost your own.

6:34: How long until Hassan is dead? Over/under 1 hour, yes?

6:34: "Jack's phone battery may have died." Obviously Hastings doesn't know the rules of 24.  Jack's cell phone battery NEVER DIES.

6:35: Oh no! If Chloe leaves the building, she's fired. But if she doesn't, Jack will die! Well, he probably won't die, since he's the star of the show, but you know.

6:36: "Your brother will be dead before the hour is out." So that means if it happens, it's tonight. I liked Hassan.

6:40: Jack attack!!!

6:42: "Please! Innocent lives are at stake." I love the writers. So predictable.

6:43: This Arlo guy cannot be trusted. Or have I just watched too much 24?

6:44: What does incendiary mean? Oh, it means a bomb. Thanks Arlo.

6:45: Why don't you listen to Chloe? Why why why??????

6:46: So it looks like the intel wasn't fake. Or was it? I'm so confused.

6:51: Never trust the brother. Never trust the brother! Random thought: Do you think the brother is having an affair with the cold bitch of a wife?  Nah.

6:54: Jack Bauer was right? Of course Jack Bauer was right!!!!! He's Jack Bauer!

6:54: "We don't have time!" DRINK!

6:55: Agent Freddie Prinze Jr!!!!! Oh No!

6:57: Is Freddie Prinze Jr ok? Is Hassan ok? Stay tuned!

The following takes place between the hours of 7:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m.

7:02: Oh thank god they're both ok. That was quite a 5 minute cliffhanger.

7:03: There is no such address as 4722 East 47th. That would be somewhere in the East River or possibly in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

7:03: Jack's Magic Satchel!

7:04: The brother is such a douche.

7:05: "They're locking down the entire area. For me to poop on!"

7:06: Outstanding use of a pen as a weapon. Jack Bauer-like. And one more to add to the body count.

7:07: OMG. Agent Freddie Prinze is awesome. And Jack Bauer is even more awesomer.

Renee Walker is back, and badder than ever! (photo from tvfanatic.com)

7:08: Goodbye Triumph. And add one more to the body count. 13 total.

7:11: Renee! Renee Walker! She's back! She's badass.

7:12: I knew Triumph was just a Level One Bad Guy. There's always someone higher than the Level One Bad Guy.

7:12: And it's a Russian Jon Voight!

7:12: And it's always about delivering some package. Heh heh.

7:12: And of course it's the Russian mob. I don't think there's any other enemy around these days. Other than terrorists of course.

7:18: "We can only be betrayed by the people we trust." Truer words have never been spoken in the world of 24.

7:19: Oh come on Jack. You are so not going to Los Angeles today.

7:21: Weapons grade uranium. And President Slumdog Millionaire knows the answer. This is getting good.

7:26: Again, Chloe's got a great new haircut this season.

7:26: And while we're at it, Renee looks hot.

7:26: I hope Renee isn't too traumatized by seeing Jack again.

7:27: Yay! Another proper pronunciation of nuclear!

7:28: Weapons grade uranium. I believe we have our first WMD of the season!

7:28: And President Slumdog Millionaire has cracked the case! The uranium is ALREADY HERE IN THE U.S.!

7:29: Thanks to Jonathan, we have a new nickname for Hastings: CTU Bubba. I'm adding Hunch. So it's CTU Chief Bubba Hunch.

7:29: "Unsecured nuclear material." All eyes grow wide.

7:30: "I wouldn't be asking if it weren't important." CTU Bubba Hunch with another nominee for understatements of the year.

7:31: "I just want to say goodbye." You're not going anywhere Jack!!!!!! Yeesh.

7:32: You bet Renee is in a dark place. Just look at her eye makeup!

7:33:  So we're supposed to think that Renee tried to kill herself? Hmmm.

7:38: Why do I think we haven't seen the last of Jessica Stein?

7:41: I really don't like Agent Fembot.

7:42: And Jack is back in!!!

7:42: And Jack still can't pronounce nuclear. Dammit.

7:43: Sark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7:44: Sark! Sark! Sark! Sark!

7:45: "I want to see the rods." *giggles*

Sark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (photo from www.palzoo.net)

7:45: Going to have to go back and watch that last scene again. I was still freaking out over SARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7:45: 5 hours to get the rods to the ship. So that will be in the next 5 episodes. I'm on to you, 24!

7:46: Is his younger son really suffering from radiation poisoning or is it a hoax?

7:52: Why is this white trash plot line happening? Why is this happening in the last 10 minutes of the season premiere?

7:53: Can't Fembot Agent just have him arrested and/or killed? She does work at CTU.

7:54: White Trash CTU Starbuck! Nice one Rob.

7:55: "Good behavior...with warden?" Ahahahahaha.

7:57: "I know how to get this off." Nice work, Renee.

7:58: Oh jesus h. christ I did not need to see that mess.

7:59: Ladies and Gentleman, you know you've crossed the line when even Jack Bauer is horrified.

7:59: That's why we have Renee. So that even Jack looks like he doesn't go far enough.

7:59: "THIS IS OVER!" Yup. that's right Jack. This episode is over.

And that's a wrap for hour four.

Total body count now stands at I'm not sure what right now.

See you next week!